I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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