dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
