It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
