If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
