this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
