24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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