there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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