I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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