a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
