he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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