carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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