Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
