i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
