Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
