Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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