my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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