this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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