So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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