You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
