He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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