i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
