i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
