Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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