i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
