dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
