Non-Jews are for practice
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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