he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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