I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
