The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
