The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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