Acid is not a monday night drug
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
