Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize