I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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