dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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