Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
