He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
