the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
love makes seman taste better
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
