So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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