This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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