I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
