just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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