I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
