it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just pee around me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
