I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize