Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
