is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
