Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
