Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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