We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
