I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
