My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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