rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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