im drinking this country out of the recession.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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