i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
