we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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