so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
