so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
