"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
