allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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