glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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