don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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