this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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