There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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