why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
