i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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