she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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